Masked and Distanced, Coffee Still...

 Fewer trips for coffee, more Nespresso orders.  With Post Office delivery slow down, especially earlier this summer, some close calls getting coffee before supply was out. 

Have coffee mobile ordered in St. Cloud when there for appointments.  A smidgen of normalcy.  A chance to celebrate for a moment.  Oust and about getting coffee - though the baristas a little harried in their masks with full drive though lane and mobile orders stacked up pretty and frothy in a row.     

Of course, can do pour overs and did.  But during these times, coffee, soothing, sips a mainstay for feeling comforted, well, cared for.  Even if only cared for by myself. 

Fall at Big Pine, golden, red, orange,  breezy today, leaves fall, blow, twirl, covering the path I raked yesterday.   Lake like glass yesterday, quiet, I paddled on the upright board - may be one of my last times on the board.  The water is cold, but not freezing.  Warm, sunny brilliantly colored days for several.  Really cerulean blue sky, backdrop the changing leaves.   Today with the wind,  slate gray overcast. 

How did we get here?  Beyond covid, the betrayal, infidelity, secrecy powered by "being right".   I have been silent.   First hurt, scared, wondering what is next.  Months of tip toeing, around.  Eggs shells sharp cutting. Willing to do anything to keep the ship upright.  I felt like I took responsibility for every hurt, slight, for every dollar I made.   I did get it, did understand, but also knowing, there are two views.  A year later and no more.  I think, plan wonder, where I will go - when I can go.     

(I hear whisper yelling in the next room - brother and sister at it....the old family stuff.  Sister has been my rock through the months.  Understands the  dynamics and they way we tend to see things, we drunks. )

Such hurt, history of pain and betrayal, manipulation, lies.   Maybe why the text and pictures of Jackie Morris's The Unwinding resonated so and made me feel like I was peering into a safe place, a dreamscape in the woods (I am in the woods) that was calming and beautiful.  Thank you Maria Popova again for sharing something wonderful and thought provoking and comforting.  Images below.