The interviewer ask "what do you do?" I paint and I write what I see as I gather - data or stuff. Really it is observing others - she does this, not me. I don't have an assignment - "the work" is very important to her. The work of writing illustrating, and reporting.
The missing part for me? I don't have an assignment? Or I do have an assignment but have not realized how to report, illustrate and write about it. Something to think about. I am adding Maira's Cake illustration I found today. I could eat these cakes. The view of them makes me feel like I am somewhere in the EU - wonderful pastries and beautifully decorated things to eat. The picture makes me feel positive and hopeful. Looking forward to something in the future (also in the past).
I don't know what to write so maybe I can draw or make pictures with writing on them, like Maira. The older I get the more I realize that time is running out - spending time with Sheila, Rome's Mom - is very nice - nicer than it used to be - but also I catch some urgency or an edge since I also realize, like her - I am winding down the time I have. I often, lately look back and my life seems a drudge. I have not made a contribution to anything or anyone. It is awful, depressing and hopeless, makes me feel hopeless. I have done nothing - no children, not a very good grandma, terrible step mother. Jesus christ it gets worse. I have no "good jobs" as Maira Kalman says. I too make lists. Making the list is good - but I don't want to do anything on the list, either.
My current muse - wanted to be a maid in a castle? And she did that - made beds, ironed clothes, polished silver, cleaned, wanted to get a good recommendation so she could work in another castle. I might be able to do that. I am good at "cleaning" or rather organizing in a place.
A couple of things.
The summer Loft catalog came today. Exciting - new classes to take. I acknowledge that for the classes I took over the last few months - I had varied engagement. My engagement was actually best for the first class.
I did read the links and articles the instructors included. I did participate in discussion groups. My writing productivity was varied for each class. I sometimes don't like to be pressured to write. I will say this - I have written more through all of the classes - so in that way - taking the class was a success.
I don't know what to write. The prompts don't inspire me. Sometimes I "just write" - almost stream of consciousness. At times, I am inspired by a memory or something I see, read or think about that I must write about.
Often I write about what I am reading or listening to - audio book or music. Or maybe the news? Which is additive at the moment. Watching the news on MSNBC or PBS is like being hooked on a good book, or TV series. My friend Nena says "we are watching history". That gives us all permission to leave the TV on all day.
But I digress - and excuse my self for being a TV sloth. I never thought this would happen to me. I love to read the newspaper, I am loving listening to the "news". I am concerned about the "junk" that is out there. Junk spawned by tribalism. I am just as guilty as everyone else - but I do think that the Republicans have lost their soul and that tribe is tearing apart our institutions, our norms, legitimizing being mean, lying, racism, homo phobia, and everything else. It is all true. Example - to me this is a "symptom" of this group - it is the red states that are not paying teachers a living wage. Is that not interesting? So called Christians that disparage all others - what happened to the biblical notion "treat all as Christ".
Soon we will be leaving for the lake - Big Pine Lake or PineView. I want to plan or make goals - have objectives for the time at the lake. Similar to what I am always working on or wanting to do - but now I am committed to making it happen.
Write - decide what to write and write it.
Make art - whatever it is - big sloppy, splashy paintings, collage etc. Create the studio for the cabin space.
Walk.
Swim, paddle, fish.
Decide travel - maybe NY with Maura. The EU - Italy I think in December.
Also - handle the weight. Get the extra pounds off - you know how to do it.
When I am painting, writing, making art - think of Maira Kalman and her art and how she interacts with the world. I love her writing and painting - she calls it story telling.
I want to figure out WHAT to write. What "form" - poetry - short stories, poems/short narratives. Maybe essays or memoirs. More Kalman.
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